Confessions of a Student Minister

 

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling anxious, nervous, and very alone.

“I can’t go into ministry Lord, I don’t have a three piece suit and my hair is way to long.”

Thus began my journey into the wild frontier of student ministry. I was seventeen years old when God began calling me and planting the seed to proclaim His Word. I felt utterly inadequate for the task.

            Growing up in East Tennessee, part of the “Bible Belt,” I had a very limited view of what ministry looked like. Basically a preacher preached long sermons, sat on a bench while the choir sang, shook hands at the door, and made you feel guilty about everything. As far as Youth ministry was concerned that was a pretty straight forward deal also. It was 1979 and I personally did not know a youth minister. I had heard of a few churches in the Maryville/ Knoxville area that had people in that position, but to actually see one was like catching a glimpse of Bigfoot.

Most churches simply had a parent or two that would set up the yearly trek to a Nashville youth event, a bike ride around Cades Cove, and if we were really fortunate we would get to go to Six Flags/Atlanta for a summer getaway, if you call a getaway an 8 hour round trip in a stuffy Chevy van with 10 students and a cranky Dad at the wheel. The week long Summer Camp was another prize in the youth ministry bag. Poison ivy, bad food, ranting preachers in white collared shirts with big sweat stains and nice slacks, the occasional snake sighting (by the creek, not in the chapel services), and finding that kids are mean everywhere you go. Looking back I wonder how God got any of our attention.

            My family was a typical middle class family. Alda, my Mom was a realtor. Bill, my Dad was a bricklayer. Both very committed Christians and active in our small community church of 140 people. Dad was a great singer (still is) and sang in the choir, led it on occasion, worked with the youth and helped the church in any way he could. Mom played the organ, helped in the women’s ministries and was deeply devoted to being at church any time the doors were open. My older sister, Teresa, had already married Charlie by 79’ and they would soon graduate from East Tennessee State University in Johnson City. Teresa would be a nurse, Charlie would go on to be a minister several years later. Who knew that God would call the Riden kids into His service. I sure didn’t think it would happen. I am thankful that for the most part my family was always involved in a Bible believing church. Mom and Dad would always take time to explain spiritual things to me and Teresa as we grew up. We both were saved at home, Teresa at age 11, me at age 12 a few years later. (I was lying in bed one late October night and under sudden Holy Spirit conviction, realized I was going to Hell. Being the realist I am, and not one to provoke God Almighty, I ran to Mom and Dad’s room like I was already on fire, turned on the light, woke them up, pleading with them to lead me to Jesus…they did.)

When I was a kid, our family began singing together. Teresa would play piano, Mom on the organ, and Dad put a bass guitar in my hand. I still remember not having a clue how to play it when I first got the guitar but I would stand with it in front of my mirror and put on possibly the greatest musical showcases known to man. All I’m saying is that The Monkees nor, dare I say, even the Partridge Family could have performed better.

When I was 12 we began to perform as a family group all over the area for a few years before Teresa left for college. I learned how to sing harmony, played bass, went on to learn piano, guitar and drums by ear. It was also the year that I heard Elton John’s “Rocket Man” and Aerosmith’s, “Dream On,” and being profoundly moved by my first exposure to Pop music (I was basically raised on Country music, the Gaither’s and hymns) I felt I needed to be a songwriter. By the ripe old age of thirteen I wrote my first song, “You’re So Hard Getting Over,” which was of course about a young lady who I was profoundly “in love” with…. (trembling)..“But I really loved you…it’s been the best 2 weeks of my life!”… “uhmm, I know Darryl but it’s time to move on…” (crazy cheerleaders….sorry…kidding!).

 Music was important to our family. It was a vehicle of unity and worship of Christ for all of us. Mom loved to listen to Dad, Teresa and I sing together. Through the years we would occasionally all be together at one of our churches and Mom would insist that we sing. Mom died of cancer in 2005. Just a month before she passed away we were all at our home church…yes, Mom had us sing as she sat in the pew, tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. One of the songs we sang as kids was, “Now Momma’s Teaching Angels How To Sing.” Mom never thought she was a good enough singer to sing with the three of us. She was content to play the organ and be our biggest fan. But I am certain Mom is now showing the angels a thing or two.

I started a rock band with my cousins, Lonnie and Scott, in 8^th grade. I sang lead, wrote some songs, played piano and bass. We got our first concert gig at Porter High school and played 5 or 6 songs. Girls were screaming! People loudly applauded…we signed autographs! Interestingly, I vowed that very night that the pursuit of music and fame would henceforth be my lofty goal in life. I mean, come on, this was not like playing bass and singing tenor with the folks in church. Between football and music I figured I had the girl angle covered. It also became an artistic release before I even knew what that meant.

At seventeen I was already winning local and regional music contests, formed a band called Deliverance (me, Rob Cunningham, Brett Knaffl, Scott Carpenter, and Randy Moats…..Rory Steele and Danny Cartlidge came in a few years later), and started to play youth events around town and out of town. We were a Christian rock band before that was a cool thing to be. Many churches would not let us use the drums because they were the “devil’s instrument.” Rock music and “backward masking” seminars abounded, KISS was twisting young minds… We just wanted to play music we loved. We wanted to tell people about Jesus Christ. Little did we know that this was a form of evangelism that would explode onto the national scene within a couple of years. Looking back I realize now that we were some of the first young people in the nation to put the message of the Gospel with a true rock band format.

I remember we were invited to play at the Gospel Music Convention in Nashville in front of thousands of people. After we played our set the announcer said, “well…that was pretty good boys…now the next group up is our kind of music!” (a Southern Gospel group…which was the dominant Christian music of the day). Thanks for the encouragement, Clyde.

 Anyway, before we knew it we were playing up to 80 times per year. From the beginning I felt compelled to give an invitation every time we played somewhere. It was never a planned out thing. I just knew we may never see those kids again and we all wanted them to know Jesus personally. This evangelism gift began to grow and produce fruit, it also began to change something in me and the band.

One major turning point happened in our second year together. I was 18, soon to graduate high school and we were asked to play at a Methodist youth retreat held at a camp in the Smoky Mountains. 150 students were there and we just rocked the place! God came in power that night and as I gave an invitation to come and accept Christ, around 30 students came to pray. In the midst of the other students, two girls stood close together, crying, and holding each other as they walked up to me and placed two ropes in my hands after the time of prayer. Later, as the band was breaking down equipment, they came up to me, pulled me aside, and explained:

“We made a pact before the service tonight that when we were dismissed we would walk into the woods and hang ourselves with these ropes. We fully intended to commit suicide tonight. We wanted to thank you for telling us about how much Jesus loves us, that He would die for us, and that we should live for Him. No one has ever told us that we needed to be saved.”

 I remember standing there speechless as those girls walked away, still crying, still holding each other, heading toward a camp counselor to tell her the decision they had made. I was stunned that the name of Jesus was so powerful. Yes, we had been leading a lot of young people to Christ over the past year but that event showed me how Jesus truly brings Light to destroy darkness.

“I have come to seek and to save that which was lost,” took on new meaning for me that Spring night of 1980. To this day I believe it was in that moment that God placed a deep burden for young people in my heart…and I was just a youth!

Even though we were a Christian band we were voted by a local college music magazine as “best rock band” in the Knoxville area. We began to have a sizable following. By now we were students at the University of Tennessee, recorded our first Nashville album with producer John Mays, (who went on to be A&R for Word Records), on the road every weekend, had a song on college radio, performed on TV, and dealing with our egos. I was often discouraged when girls would come up for autographs and some would whisper inappropriate things to me and some of the guys. I knew there was a certain power to the stage and I was aware that one of the reasons I wanted to perform earlier was the draw it had on young ladies in the audience. (What can I say, I’m a guy). But as my relationship with Jesus grew I realized I was becoming disillusioned with the whole music deal. My thoughts after a show or service were, “…did they not hear one word I said up there?” (years later this aspect of the music business pushed me away from the industry for several years, just couldn’t get my heart around it.)

After a few years, now in my early twenties, I began to sense the ministry calling much deeper. Still racked with feelings of inadequacies. Still trying to find my balance. I just never had anyone explain to me that God can use you right where you are. Ministry is not always about preaching behind a pulpit with slicked back hair and a big Bible. I had so many questions, agonized over what God was calling me to, being depressed, angry, and sometimes just apathetic about the whole situation.

My church was not a big help because of several reasons. They were very traditional and I never had the opportunity to play our style of music there. The problem was, at that age, late teens and early twenties, all I had was the platform of music. They just did not know how to integrate using my talent into ministry opportunities, and giving me and the guys a way to reach out under the guidance of our own church family. This disconnect was frustrating, real,  and very hard to verbalize at the time. Even though we had a 27 year old minister he was too timid to break the mold. He was fresh out of seminary and really had no concrete answers for me theologically.

I asked so many questions! I had such a thirst for the Word. I wanted to go deeper. He did become a good friend and confidant, and later I realized he too was simply trying to grasp where he stood theologically during those years. Many of the older folks in the church saw something in me but just did not have the ministry tools to help me find my way. Lots of hugs and pats on the back (which is important to a young person), but basically there was a hole that could not be filled. The band U2 recorded a song a few years later that echoed my frustration called, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” I certainly had a shaky and strained relationship with the local church for many years. I never seemed to quite “fit.” But I loved Jesus with my whole heart, ever aware of His presence and leading, so profoundly grateful for His grace, salvation, and love.

          Mom and Dad, though,  were supportive of my music. They let us rehearse in their basement…all I can say is “God bless them.” Thunderous sound waves shaking their house every Thursday night for years. They gave advice, helped buy equipment, and financed our first album in Nashville. I think they were as amazed as we were that God was using this group of young men to win souls. I will always be grateful for the prayers and support they gave a bunch of teenagers. We need more parents like that today. My sister and brother-in-law were big fans and supporters too. To this day my sister thinks my songwriting and vocals are up there with the best in the industry… again, my family was instrumental in me finding my place in ministry.

God used them all including my grandmother, Nana. She had no idea what all the loud music was about. She was the mother of five, grandmother of sixteen, a self supported beautician and one of the Godliest women I have ever known. She knew God was going to use me. You know how she knew? She asked Him to do so when I was born. So here are Nana and my Mom praying for me to preach the Word for years. Only they knew what they were specifically praying for. They never told anyone else, not even me.

The day I told Mom that I had surrendered to preach we happened to be driving home from one of her house showings. She was behind the wheel. I told her that I had been struggling with something for four years and I now know what I am to do. I then proceeded to tell her that I felt called to preach. She looked stunned and had to pull over on the side of the road so she could compose herself! (She then told me how she and my grandmother had prayed for me all those years.) I was 21 years old. Prayer matters. Don’t ever give up on anyone (or yourself) when God is the One in control.

God answers prayer…Yes, No, or Wait…This specific prayer just took 21 years to manifest. Now, 25 years later, I am humbled that God would ever use me to bring thousands of young people to Him. Believe me…if God can use me, He can absolutely use you! And by the way, It is a privilege to be in ministry…period. It is not a place for the shiny, arrogant, boastful and snobbish…ugh…sorry, I may puke.

Ministry is amazingly difficult, lonely, burdensome, and wonderful. If you are a young man or young woman that feels you are being called into ministry but feel a deep struggle within your soul…don’t be discouraged. Trust the Lord, wait on Him, pray, and prepare by immersing yourself in His Word. If you feel disqualified and inadequate…guess what? You are. But God delights in taking the small things, the insignificant, despised and unimportant things and doing something brilliant and beautiful with that willing vessel of clay. There are so many people who need to hear that Jesus redeems and restores. So many young people who may someday bring their “ropes” to you if you will first go to them.

What an awesome journey you are getting ready to travel. Yes, people can be discouraging and mean…satan will come against you…but greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world!

Get good counsel. If you do not have anyone to talk to about your calling, then please do not hesitate to contact me. I have counseled hundreds of young people through the years regarding their spiritual gifting and call to ministry…you are welcome to chat with me anytime. Bottom line, you and I are here to proclaim Jesus in our generation. The how, the why, the where is not important…a heart set on following Christ is all that is needed. Will you follow? Will you go?    Wow … I hope so.                 Praying for you,  Darryl